Proverbs 1:18--study among sisters in Christ

7/18/08
www.letgodbetrue.com/proverbs/proverbs.php?chapter=1

again i sit here in tears and don't know if its because i am more sinful some days than others, or more remorseful some days than others, or maybe both. if i could even begin to remember all those who i need to ask forgiveness for murdering, i wouldn't ever make it out of prayer. i am so disgusted and saddened by a lot of my past behavior, and i remember being taught how wrong a lot of it was and not to make the same mistakes as so-n-so, and yet i am the very sinner Solomon was warning his son of. i chose the wrong path many many times, knowing it was the wrong path. the thrill of the sin was more powerful than the promise from Heaven. how sad i was, i am, i continue to be. sad in my sinful nature, sad that i even consider for a second to choose satan over God. occasionally i have thought "this is easy, i want God to win over satan, so that is how i will make my choices," and yet i do not, and i do not, and i do not. what a disappointment i was to my parents and grandparents and "friends," and what a disappointment i am for my husband. i can only pray to be a better person tomorrow if God grants me another day, and not go to my grave as a disappointment to my children. oh how the tears flow, and the remorse so powerful an emotion, and yet i am certain i will be in this position again very soon, asking for forgiveness once again.

Dear Heavenly Father, i can hardly see the keyboard to write this prayer through my tear covered face. but, here i am again to ask You, once again, to forgive me for not loving You the way You love me. thank Heaven for Your Grace, or i would walk around like this all the time, a basket case. i don't know why i have been chosen, but i can only thank you today and ask for Your help in another tomorrow. if i have ever forgotten to mention any one or any incident where i have murdered someone in ANY WAY, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me and give me a chance to repent. i know the path i am to walk every day, so please give me the strength and wisdom to do so.
please continue to lead mom and karen in their decisions, and help me to love them the way You love us...my dearest sisters in Christ!
Amen